©️ By Sophie Lewis | The Grooming Files | The Indie Leaks | @realtalkrealtea
There is a silence that surrounds male survivors of grooming. Not just in headlines, or courtrooms, or safeguarding policies — but in living rooms, group chats, and even the minds of the victims themselves.
Too often, boys and men who have experienced grooming are left with no name for what happened. They aren’t seen as vulnerable. They’re not offered help. They aren’t believed. Or worse — they’re told it wasn’t abuse at all.
This silence is not accidental. It’s cultural. It’s institutional. And it’s deeply damaging.
Why Don’t We Talk About It?
From a young age, boys are taught to “man up.” They’re told to be strong, unemotional, in control. If a young boy is targeted by an older woman, it’s framed as a “score.” If he’s groomed by an older man, it’s taboo, unspoken, or blamed on him entirely.
Masculinity is often weaponised against male survivors. It becomes a barrier that stops them from recognising they’ve been abused, let alone reaching out for support. And when they do come forward, they’re too often met with disbelief, ridicule, or outright dismissal.
But grooming doesn’t care about gender. It targets vulnerability, not identity. And boys are not immune.
The Hidden Scale of Abuse
According to the NSPCC, around 1 in 6 children in the UK have experienced some form of sexual abuse. While many associate grooming with girls, boys account for a significant proportion of victims. A report by the Children’s Commissioner revealed that in cases of child sexual abuse recorded by police, more than 1 in 3 victims were male.
Yet the vast majority of male survivors never disclose their abuse. A study by SurvivorsUK found that only 10% of male victims ever report. Many carry the trauma for decades, untreated and unspoken.
This isn’t just silence. It’s systemic neglect.
The Ways Boys Are Groomed
Male grooming can take many forms:
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Online friendships that turn sexual
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“Mentorships” with older figures that become coercive
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Exploitation by older men or women under the guise of affection
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Manipulation through gaming, sports, or peer pressure
These experiences are often dismissed because they don’t look like the stereotypical narrative of victimhood. But they carry just as much psychological weight — sometimes more, because the victim isn’t even allowed to call it what it is.
In one UK case, a woman in her 30s was convicted after grooming and abusing a teenage boy for over a year. He thought it was a relationship. The media called it a “tryst.” This language matters. It hides the truth.
Why Society Ignores Boys
Society still sees boys as tough, independent, and emotionally guarded. They’re less likely to be viewed as victims, and more likely to be punished for behaviours that are actually symptoms of trauma.
Boys acting out are often labelled as troublemakers rather than recognised as children in crisis. Teachers may miss the signs. Families may brush off red flags. And too often, male victims are left alone with their pain until it explodes or shuts them down.
We cannot protect boys if we do not first acknowledge that they, too, are targeted.
Systemic Failures
Safeguarding structures often overlook male victims. Schools may not flag the same behaviours in boys that they would in girls. Health services often lack male-specific trauma support. Police may not handle disclosures with the same seriousness.
Too many abuse support charities are still structured around female victims — leaving male survivors with few culturally safe spaces to turn.
In 2021, a UK study on CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) support revealed that over 75% of services were geared toward women and girls, leaving men underrepresented and underserved.
Some of the men who have shared their stories with us waited decades to speak. Many still haven’t. Not because they don’t want healing. But because they never saw themselves reflected in the conversations around grooming.
The Shame Runs Deep
Male survivors often carry shame in silence. Some question their masculinity. Some internalise blame. Some wonder whether it was abuse at all — especially when the perpetrator was female.
Others are left in deep confusion when their abuser was male.
“For years I thought it was love,” one man told me. “For a long time, I believed I was gay. But now I realise — I was just a child. And he wasn’t supposed to touch me.”
The emotional toll is heavy. Depression, substance use, isolation, and self-harm are all too common among men with unacknowledged trauma.
Suicide rates among men in the UK remain significantly higher than women — and while there are many factors, untreated childhood trauma is a known contributor.
But here’s the truth: they were children. It was never their fault.
What Needs to Change
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Belief — We must believe boys when they say something happened. Even if it doesn’t fit the mould.
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Representation — Campaigns, education, and services must include male victims.
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Language — Let’s drop the jokes and double standards. Abuse is abuse.
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Safe Spaces — Create and fund survivor spaces where men are not an afterthought.
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Education — Teach children early that grooming affects everyone — and that coming forward is never weak.
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Media Responsibility — Headlines must reflect reality, not sensationalism. Calling abuse a “tryst” or “affair” erases victims.
A Final Word to Survivors
If you’re a man who was groomed — by a woman, by a man, by someone who claimed to care for you — you are not alone. You deserved protection. You deserve healing. And your story deserves to be told.
If any of this resonates, and you want to speak anonymously, you can share your story here: **❤️ Survivor Stories - Anonymous Form **
We will keep telling it, until silence is no longer the loudest voice in the room.
The Grooming Files stands with male survivors. Always.